Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Life List - No way Josè

  1. Go to England with less than $1000 in my pocket when the exchange rate was $1:33p.
  2. Have Gastric Flu.  Coming out both ends.  TMI?  You bet.
  3. Spend 6 months unemployed in the Midlands, UK, in the 1980's, where unemployment was running at 28%.
  4. Borrow money from a parent.
  5. Find out my new chap was married to a woman called Sharon who lived in NZ.
  6. Learn shorthand.
  7. Go skiing.
  8. Rupture my ACL skiing, hence #7.
  9. Wait 2 years for an ACL reconstruction because I didn't have private health insurance.
  10. ACL reconstruction.
  11. Second operation to fix something they missed in #10.
  12. Get married.  Have a wedding** 
  13. Put on 3 stone (19kg) after #12.
  14. Watch the arches in my feet collapse after #13.
  15. Have the police knock at my door to tell me a parent had died.
  16. Work as a Secretary.
  17. Start anything new in a year ending in -9.  
  18. Lose a friend to Breast Cancer.
  19. Lose a friend to Lymphoma.
  20. Lose a grandparent to Emphysema.
  21. Lose a friend to AIDS.
  22. Lose a friend to Suicide.
  23. Go to a funeral.  Any funeral.
  24. Take Mr Golightly shopping.
  25. Lose a beloved parent-in-law to Alzheimer's.
  26. Fart in the office.
  27. Have an accident of the menstrual kind in the office.
  28. Almost have an affair with a married man, in the office.
  29. Be sexually harrassed by a crazy ex-footballer.
  30. Move house.  22 previous addresses (that I can think of) is plenty, thanks.
  31. Do data entry for a living.
  32. Leave my camera in a taxi and never see it again, Olympics pics and all.
  33. Live in Leicester, UK.
  34. Work in a library.  It really is like "The Librarians".
  35. Let myself be bullied.
  36. Convince a doctor I didn't want children.  No, I really don't.
  37. Share a one-room flat with anybody.
  38. Live in a one-room flat with outside toilet & shower.  Those winter mornings really bit.
  39. Fall off a motorbike at speed.
  40. Be a passenger in a car which rolls.  Still got the dodgy shoulder from that one.
  41. Shoot a sitting duck.  Shame on me (I was 16, does that ameloriate it a little?).
  42. Shoot anything.
  43. Drink too much white wine from a flagon.
  44. Vomit said white wine all over the bathroom floor.
  45. Cleaning up #44.
  46. Drink cider.
  47. Spend 9 weeks on crutches, courtesy of #11.
  48. Spend 2 weeks in a caravan on 'holidays'.
  49. Share a house with 3 unrelated blokes.  Can you imagine the soap?
  50. Take a dog to the vet and come home alone, knowing you'll never see the dog again.
  51. Have a neighbour steal your dog when she left her husband and 6 fox terriers behind.
  52. Be poor.
  53. Live in a foreign country with no support network & no friends.
  54. Algebra.
  55. Statistics.
  56. Wait until I'm newly married before discovering the one thing I want to really do in life requires me to go & live in another city 300km away.
  57. Spend November and February in England.  Freezing cold.
  58. Spend two years in pain waiting for the doctors to decide if I needed to have my gall bladder out.
  59. Have my gall bladder out.
  60. Vomit after smelling the vegetable soup somebody ordered for dinner immediately after I'd had my gall bladder out.
  61. Wet the hospital bed whilst vomiting after #60 (told you it'd be a good list, didn't I?).
  62. Go out on Christmas morning looking for somewhere selling wrapping paper, as Mr G had 'forgotten' to wrap his presents.
  63. Wrap Mr G's presents on Christmas morning.
  64. Spend a Christmas in Cairns.
  65. Spend a Christmas in 42°C heat