Thursday, 9 April 2009

Time, on my side*...

Well, I just read a lovely blog by somebody called "Maggie Mason", who has created a list of "mighty things she wants to do before she goes" (that's 'shuffle off this mortal coil' for those of us who just love euphemisms)... and I was looking at it going "yep, sure, if I had a gazillion bucks and another 30 years aged 47".  Some of things on there are just plain unachieveable for us mere mortals, like "open a Swiss bank account", "Be conversational in seven languages", and my absolute favourite, "Remove toxins from our food and environment" (and a tip from the language pedant here, I think she means "conversant")... so I thought I might make a list of some things I'd like to achieve before I buy the farm (there's another one for ya)...

Now, don't get me wrong, I like her blog, her turn of phrase and her style, but really, why do people set these challenges for themselves?  To my mind, it's just setting yourself up for failure, disappointment, heartache and dyspepsia.  Sometimes it's easier to settle for a little bit less, and then take comfort from knowing that you can achieve some of this stuff. 

So, here's the start of my list.
  1. Get out of bed.
  2. Have a shower
  3. Find something without a grease stain on the front, to wear to work.
  4. Leave the house.
  5. Get a seat on the bus on the way to work. 
  6. Have the bus arrive on time so I can catch the connecting train on the way to work
  7. Get a seat on the train on the way to work.
  8. Arrive at work without killing any of the school children who zig and zag in front on you when you're trying to walk in a straight line dragging a laptop, juggling a handbag, coffee and toast and some incipient exhaustion from the 5.30am start.
  9. Convince the nice policeman that it wasn't your fault that that lovely child somehow ended up under the front wheel of the bus.
  10. Stay at work all day in hiding from that lovely child's lovely crack-smoking, tattooed, peroxide-haired, multi-pierced mother who is wearing a purple lurex boob tube, yellow lycra mini-skirt, 30 kilos more than she needs and whore shoes at 8.30am.
  11. Wait until 5.30pm to go home (the mother will be at work now so you'll be safe).
  12. Wonder how your day got so bad.
  13. Forget it.
  14. Relax. 
  15. Eat. 
  16. Sew. 
  17. Sleep. 
  18. Dream. 
  19. Wake. 
  20. Start list again.
See?  Easy.

*Copyright Jackson Brown 2008

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