Thursday, 28 October 2010

Life List - Thanks but I'll pass

  1. Go to England with less than $1000 in my pocket when the exchange rate was $1:33p.
  2. Have Gastric Flu.  Coming out both ends.  TMI?  You bet.
  3. Spend 6 months unemployed in the Midlands, UK, in the 1980's, where unemployment was running at 28%.
  4. Borrow money from a parent.
  5. Find out my new chap was married to a woman called Sharon who lived in NZ.
  6. Learn shorthand.
  7. Go skiing.
  8. Rupture my ACL skiing, hence #7.
  9. Wait 2 years for an ACL reconstruction because I didn't have private health insurance.
  10. ACL reconstruction.
  11. Second operation to fix something they missed in #10.
  12. Get married.  Have a wedding** 
  13. Put on 3 stone (19kg) after #12.
  14. Watch the arches in my feet collapse after #13.
  15. Have the police knock at my door to tell me a parent had died.
  16. Work as a Secretary.
  17. Start anything new in a year ending in -9.  
  18. Lose a friend to Breast Cancer.
  19. Lose a friend to Lymphoma.
  20. Lose a grandparent to Emphysema.
  21. Lose a friend to AIDS.
  22. Lose a friend to Suicide.
  23. Go to a funeral.  Any funeral.
  24. Take Mr Golightly shopping.
  25. Lose a beloved parent-in-law to Alzheimer's.
  26. Fart in the office.
  27. Have an accident of the menstrual kind in the office.
  28. Almost have an affair with a married man, in the office.
  29. Be sexually harrassed by a crazy ex-footballer.
  30. Move house.  22 previous addresses (that I can think of) is plenty, thanks.
  31. Do data entry for a living.
  32. Leave my camera in a taxi and never see it again, Olympics pics and all.
  33. Live in Leicester, UK.
  34. Work in a library.  It really is like "The Librarians".
  35. Let myself be bullied.
  36. Convince a doctor I didn't want children.  No, I really don't.
  37. Share a one-room flat with anybody.
  38. Live in a one-room flat with outside toilet & shower.  Those winter mornings really bit.
  39. Fall off a motorbike at speed.
  40. Be a passenger in a car which rolls.  Still got the dodgy shoulder from that one.
  41. Shoot a sitting duck.  Shame on me (I was 16, does that ameloriate it a little?).
  42. Shoot anything.
  43. Drink too much white wine from a flagon.
  44. Vomit said white wine all over the bathroom floor.
  45. Cleaning up #44.
  46. Drink cider.
  47. Spend 9 weeks on crutches, courtesy of #11.
  48. Spend 2 weeks in a caravan on 'holidays'.
  49. Share a house with 3 unrelated blokes.  Can you imagine the soap?
  50. Take a dog to the vet and come home alone, knowing you'll never see the dog again.
  51. Have a neighbour steal your dog when she left her husband and 6 fox terriers behind.
  52. Be poor.
  53. Live in a foreign country with no support network & no friends.
  54. Algebra.
  55. Statistics.
  56. Wait until I'm newly married before discovering the one thing I want to really do in life requires me to go & live in another city 300km away.
  57. Spend November and February in England.  Freezing cold.

**Edit to clarify - Mr Golightly is perfectly safe, but I never want to go through all the stress, hassle & bad behaviour weddings seem to engender.

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